I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
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