i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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