It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
That accounts for only three of the penises
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Randomize
