I just made out with a guy for $7.
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Randomize
