I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize
