he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
Randomize
