You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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