Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
