Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
I am full of burrito and curiosity
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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