census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize
