I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
So much rum. So many feels.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
