Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
