Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
