I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
