If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
