Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Randomize
