If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Randomize