Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Randomize
