Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Randomize
