tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
