I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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