my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Randomize
