i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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