Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Randomize
