You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
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