Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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