Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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