hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
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