I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
