So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
