She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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