White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
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