and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
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