you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
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