I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
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