She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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