1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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