i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
