I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
