Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
