Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
The best revenge is premature balding
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Randomize
