i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
