Ambien. No doubt about it.
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
