What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Randomize
