nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Randomize
