Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
i wish my penis had a tongue
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
well, you know. whores of a feather.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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