things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
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