Your tits are I can't wait for
My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Randomize
