There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
