Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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